Soooo...What's Been Up? My Journey to Recovery & Self Discovery

Well it's been about a month since the split with SC and it's be a learning experience over all. I've learned so much about myself and God has truly revealed things to me!!! I've realized that God has been trying to get my attention for some time and this break up definitely got my attention!

I've realized that I made my relationship with SC my number one priority and I allowed the mode of our relationship to determined my happiness...for example, the days when we were on good terms, I would be "happy" and the days that we were on bad terms..I would be miserable.

Even though I miss him dearly, I'm happy and at peace with myself. I've can finally say that I don't need a man to make me happy!!! But I do want a man in my life to complement me!(hopefully sooner then later!) This is one of the greatest lessons that I've learned during my alone time with God.

I've also connected with God in a whole new way! I can truly say he's the lover of my soul, I talk to him like he's my homeboy and husband all in one! I once heard that the way you treat the Lord while you're single is how you'll treat your husband when you're married because the bible says we are the brides of Christ. So I've definitely been working on communicating with the Lord more and appreciating his presence more.

My family is really hurt and upset about the whole thing, my parents and siblings love SC so much and they're just so upset that he hurt me like this and they said that if we do get back together that they won't give us their "blessings" until SC goes to counseling and gets some help with his whole childhood and family issues...because when he spoke to my dad, he told him that he was afraid that Him and I would end up like his parents (and that's just chaotic!)...so even though we're not together, I don't want my family to hate him! But I know that they want the best for me...hmmmm

It's crazy, I still love this boy sooo much! I never realized how much I did till recently...my thoughts are filled with memories of the good times and bad times and I find myself asking "Where did we go wrong?". Then I think about how he treated me like crap at times and I hate his guts!!!

His mom is so upset! I told her what happened last week, cuz for some odd reason he didn't tell her or most of his friends! Anywayz she got so emotional and couldn't even talk anymore...she kept saying that she loved me so much and didn't understand why we couldn't make it work. I felt a lil sad afterwards because our families have gotten so close over the yrs...her and my parents speak often (while his father is MIA!)

But at the end of the day...I know that this will all work out for my good and be a testimony...so as I wait on the Lord to perfect everything that concerns me...I gonna prepare myself for what he has in store and work on making myself whole with God's help of course!

P.S. About the outdated neighbor gist!...it's so old now...but my neighbor is from cross river state in Naija and I first saw him while moving in, he was outside our building on the phone while being barefooted and I thought to myself..."what the!" After that I didn't see much of him, then one evening while I was going to a wedding he started a convo and basically said something like "You that'a always staying in your house" (Like ummm...where else should I be!)..."You should come and see me, just knock my door anytime, ok?...when are you coming back"...while I was walking away from him and nodding my head, he just kept staring at me with a smile on his face. Smh...come to your apt and do kini??? Rubbish!...he stays right across the hall from me...

P.P.S I've been getting a lot of attention from guys lately, and I don't know how to handle it...I suddenly feel "shy" and avoid eye contact, etc.

P.P.P.S I've been seeing SC around frequently and it's weird, we just avoid each other...we hardly say hi to one another and my friend and sis stated that they've seen him staring at me a few times...maybe he's finally realized what he's lost or just reminiscing...hmmm

P.P.P.S I'm trying to get into grad school and I've been studying for the GRE..mayne, I feel so slow ooo! I can't remember basic math help!!!

Well that's all folks! Love u all...have a great week!

xoxo

I'M TIRED!!!

Another poem....Enjoy!

I’m tired

Tired of the hurt

Tired of the pain

Tired of feeling rejected

Tired of feeling dejected



Tired of riding this emotional roller coaster

Tired of the confusion

Tired of the sorrow

Tired of the cloudy days

Tired of the rain



So tired

So tired…my hope is slipping

So tired…My Faith is wavering

So tired…I’m growing weary

So tired…I feel like throwing in the towel



I’m tired, frustrated and annoyed…can’t wait till this storm ends

I’m tired…I need some sunshine

I’m tired…I’m craving peace

I’m tired…But I’ll hold on, my breakthrough is on the way!

10 Ways To Marry The Wrong Person

Hey all...I've been too lazy to write a correct post...sorry, I just lack the motivation...

Yay! Praise the Lord, I have 10 followers now!!! wohoooo! I'm in double digits now..lol

I received this email from a co-worker today and it was truly an eyeopener for me, just had to share it...Enjoy!

by Rabbi Dov Heller, M.A.


Blind love is not the way to choose a spouse. Here are practical tools for keeping your eyes wide open.
With the divorce rate over 50 percent, too many are apparently making a serious mistake in deciding who to spend the rest of their life with. To avoid becoming a "statistic," try to internalize these 10 insights.


#1. You pick the wrong person because you expect him/her to change after you're married.
The classic mistake. Never marry potential. The golden rule is, if you can't be happy with the person the way he or she is now, don't get married. As a colleague of mine so wisely put it, "You actually can expect people to change after their married... for the worst!"
So when it comes to the other person's spirituality, character, personal hygiene, communication skills, and personal habits, make sure you can live with these as they are now.


#2. You pick the wrong person because you focus more on chemistry than on character.
Chemistry ignites the fire, but good character keeps it burning. Beware of the "I'm in love" syndrome. "I'm in love" often means, "I'm in lust." Attraction is there, but have you carefully checked out this person's character?
Here are four character traits to definitely check for:
Humility: Does this person believe that "doing the right thing" is more important than personal comfort?
Do I want to be more like this person? Would I like my child to turn out like him or her?
Kindness: Does this person enjoy giving pleasure to other people? How does s/he treat people s/he doesn't have to be nice to? Does s/he do volunteer work? Give charity?
Responsibility: Can I depend on this person to do what s/he says s/he's going to do?
Happiness: Does this person like himself? Does s/he enjoy life? Is s/he emotionally stable?
Ask yourself: Do I want to be more like this person? Do I want to have a child with this person? Would I like my child to turn out like him or her?


#3. You pick the wrong person because the man doesn't understand what a woman needs most.
Men and women have unique emotional needs, and more often than not, it is the man who just doesn't "get it." Jewish tradition places the onus on the man to understand the emotional needs of a woman and to satisfy them.
The unique need of a woman is to be loved -- to feel that she is the most important person in her husband's life. The husband needs to give her consistent, quality attention.
This is most apparent in Judaism's approach to intimacy. The Torah obligates the husband to meet the intimate needs of his wife. Intimacy is always on the woman's terms. Men are goal-oriented, especially when it comes this area. As a wise woman once pointed out, "Men have two speeds: on and off." Women are experience-oriented. When a man is able to switch gears and become more experience-oriented, he will discover what makes his wife very happy. When the man forgets about his own needs and focuses on giving his wife pleasure, amazing things happen.


#4. You choose the wrong person because you do not share a common life goals and priorities.
There are three basic ways we connect with another person:

chemistry and compatibility
share common interests
share common life goal
Make sure you share the deeper level of connection that sharing life goals provide. After marriage, the two of you will either grow together or grow apart. To avoid growing apart, you must figure out what you're "living for," while you're single -- and then find someone who has come to the same conclusion as you.
This is the true definition of a "soul mate." A soul mate is a goal mate -- two people who ultimately share the same understanding of life's purpose and therefore share the same priorities, values and goals.


#5. You choose the wrong person because you get intimately involved too quickly.
Intimacy before the commitment of marriage can be a big problem because it often precludes a fully honest exploration of important issues. Physical involvement tends to cloud one's mind. And a clouded mind is not inclined to make good decisions.
It is not necessary to take a "test drive" in order to find out if a couple is physically compatible. If you do your homework and make sure you are intellectually and emotionally compatible, you don't have to worry about it. Of all the studies done on divorce, incompatibility in the intimate arena is almost never cited as a main reason why people divorce.


#6. You pick the wrong person because you do not have a deeper emotional connection with this person.
To evaluate whether you have a deeper emotional connection or not, ask: "Do I respect and admire this person?"
This does not mean, "Am I impressed by this person?" We are impressed by a Mercedes. We do not respect someone because they own a Mercedes. You should be impressed by qualities of creativity, loyalty, determination, etc.
Also ask: "Do I trust this person?" This also means, "Is he/she emotionally stable? Do I feel I can rely on him/her?


#7. You pick the wrong person because you choose someone with whom you don't feel emotionally safe.
Ask yourself the following questions: Do I feel calm, peaceful and relaxed with this person? Can I fully be myself and express myself with this person? Does this person make me feel good about myself? Do you have a really close friend who does make you feel this way? Make sure the person you marry makes you feel the same way!
Are you afraid of this person in any way? You should not feel you need to monitor what you say because you are afraid of how the other person will view it. If you're afraid to express your feelings and opinions openly, there's a problem with the relationship.
Be on the look out for someone who is always trying to change you.
Another aspect of feeling safe is that you don't feel the other person is trying to control you. Controlling behaviors are a sign of an abusive person. Be on the look out for someone who is always trying to change you. There's a big difference between "controlling" and "making suggestions." A suggestion is made for your benefit; a control statement is made for their benefit.


#8. You pick the wrong person because you don't put everything on the table.
Anything that bothers you about the relationship must be brought up for discussion. Bringing up the uncomfortable stuff is the only way to evaluate how well the two of you communicate, negotiate, and work together. Over the course of a lifetime, difficulties will inevitably arise. You need to know now, before making a commitment: Can you resolve your differences and find compromises that work for both of you?
Never be afraid to let the person know what bothers you. This is also a way for you to test how vulnerable you can be with this person. If you can't be vulnerable, then you can't be intimate. The two go hand in hand.


#9. You pick the wrong person because you use the relationship to escape from personal problems and unhappiness.

If you are unhappy and single, you'll probably be unhappy and married, too.
If you are unhappy and single, you'll probably be unhappy and married, too. Marriage does not fix personal, psychological and emotional problems. If anything, marriage will exacerbate them.
If you are not happy with yourself and your life, take responsibility to fix it now while you are single. You'll feel better, and your future spouse will thank you.


#10. You pick the wrong person because he/she is involved in a triangle.
To be "triangulated" means a person is emotionally dependent on someone or something else while trying to develop another relationship. A person who hasn't separated from his or her parents is the classic example of triangulation. People can also be triangulated with things as well, such as work, drugs, Internet, hobbies, sports or money.
Be careful that you and your partner are free of triangles. The person caught in the triangle cannot be fully emotionally available to you. You will not be their number one priority. And that's no basis for a marriage

Ooopsss...I Kissed Him!

I kissed him!

Before you knew it our tongues collided

His tongue melted like chocolate in my mouth

I savored each swap with undying passion

Our tongues sang in harmony, a song foreign to everyone else but us…



I became mesmerized…I was lost in space

I couldn’t stop it...I really didn't want to

I felt free…at ease..comforted…warmth

I never wanted it to end



We connected on various levels

Travelled the world with each second that passed

Learned different cultures…tasted exquisite delicacies

Explored various horizons…spoke diverse dialects



Lost in each others arms, with each minute the kiss got deeper

And deeper…and deeper…and deeper...

Coming up for a breather was not a thought that crossed our minds

We went in for the kill! Ready to declare W-A-R!!!



The battle of the tongues

Each one of us dying to win

No one wanted to throw in the towel

Neither one of us wanted to give in



I kissed him! He kissed me!

And here I am soaked in perspiration

Confused and trying to find out where I am

Trying to figure out where HE went!?!?...How did he escape?

Oh no! It was just a day dream! Hmmph...


Hey guys! Miss you all...still on the road to recovery, it sure is bumpy!...and I need a freaking kiss! *sigh* I'll be aight sha... Hope you enjoyed the poem!

Ciao!

Just rammbling...

Hey there, it’s been a lil while abi? Sorry…was just trying to focus on some other things lately.



Well, where do I start? How do I start? What shall I say?...Hmmm, well…

I guess you all will like to know how the outing with SC went on his bday???

Umm…yeah, let’s just say I wish I read the comments from the previous day before I went cuz it was a huge disappointment/ eye opener!!!



Hey sent me a text msg shortly after the post stating that he left orientation early and if I would like to meet up then or later…I really wanted to take a lil nap but I agreed sha. He also said that he wasn’t hungry and he’ll rather go to Starbucks, urg…..I was thinking WTH?!?! Cuz I was huuunnnngggrrryyyy!..as usual. We sha agreed on a meeting place and time…..got dressed, grabbed the cake and I was on my way….got there at the same time as he did and felt awkward.



I ordered our drinks and we proceeded to sit outside. He had this annoyed/irritated look on his face and just sat there quietly like it was by force that he came...ah I regretted the invitation mayne! Within a few minutes, it started to rain heavily and we had to go inside which only had a few seats available, which meant that SC had to stand. After a few more minutes of silence he announced that he was really tired and wanted to leave! What??? I was upset and annoyed, not sure of what I expected but it was a total waste of time.



I drove off in rage and ended up calling him after I reached my apt and asked what was going on and why was he such in a hurry to leave…he answered me somehow and it finally clicked to me that I was doing too much and I got off the phone and made up my mind not to contact him anymore. For the whole week I just focused on myself and my relationship with God and on other important issues.



Saw him on Tuesday at church and acted like he wasn’t there…made sure I looked cute and was gisting with my ppl, Wednesday morning came and he texts me saying he just heard the v-mail that I left him on his bday and thanked me a said a lil prayer….Thursday morning another text saying that I should have a nice day at work…I was just smiling, wondering what got over him…



The weekend came around and I left for NY cuz my dad was having an event at his church; it was cool to see my family after a few months. I just chilled mostly, was meant to go to a party on Saturday to celebrate the Nigerian independence but I got turned off when I couldn’t find a ride…I was a lil down tho, dunno why…well maybe I do, I was thinking about this SC guy jare, family kept asking for him…ppl at church, etc. All in all the weekend was great.



To be continued…

Precious Blessing... A Jail Bird????

Never that! Thank God oooo...Today is a good day...

Well yours truly is at home today, NO WORK!!! Woohoo..one of the best Mondays ever!
So, you're probably wondering why I didn't go to work, huh??? lol...
I had a court date! See me see trouble ooo... well, a few months ago I got pulled over and the cops impounded my car (I mentioned it in a previous post).

The registration for my car was expired and I had to go home (NY) to renew it...well I couldn't go home right away so I had to wait a few weeks, while waiting my dad sent me some temp tags to drive around with for the time being. Little did I know that my dad still has some undercover sturves (mind you his a Pastor o!)...the temp tags had ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with the car...he just had one dealer like that hook him up!..while he set me up, oga oooo...I know he didn't mean any harm, but the cops out here don't play!

Anyhow sha, the cop couldn't match the temp tags with the car and I couldn't present my insurance documents to him cuz the license plate info wouldn't match and I had to make up some dumb lie that my dad just bought the car from craigslist and it wasn't registered yet...blah blah blah..of course he (the cop) didn't believe so they took my car and it was MIA for about 3 wks..

A few weeks later, I get a letter from court saying that I had to appear in court with a lawyer because I was driving a vehicle without insurance and it could result in jail time (up to 90 days), God forbid! Well...being a procrastinator that I am (I'm working on it..I promise)...I disregarded the letter and wait until last wk to start looking for a lawyer! Can you imagine...it was too late to get a pub lice defender and I don't any money to waste on a lawyer for a simple case jare..

I was advised by a friend of mine to go ahead and go to court and defend myself because the charge wasn't that serious..I sha prayed and prayed, asking God to please not allow the cop to show up, and that I shouldn't pay any fines, etc. Well, I showed proof that I did have insurance to the atty (the court's/state's atty) and she didn't even cross check anything and just dropped that "jailable" charge so I just had to no registration charge against. To cut the long story short...the cop travelled out of the country and didn't show up and the case was dismissed!!!!!!!!! Wohoo...no fines to pay, no points on my license and NO JAIL TIME!!! Thank you Jesus! So yay, I'm very happy...fine girl like me in jail? Yea right...I'm too fly for that!

In other words...todays SC's birthday :-/..hmmm, I must admit...I miss him like crazy and I've been texting/calling him...not too much but to ask questions and stuff. He's been responsive, but the convos are usually via text and are very short and to the point....and I went to another wedding this weekend! One that we were both invited to! That's the main reason why I contacted him, because I knew that everybody and their mother would be asking me where he was...and indeed they did!

He sha showed up to the reception really late...around 11 pm and I saw him briefly and said hi and gave him a hug and that was him...and of course his cock-blocking friend was around...I was feeling a lil sad after seeing him plus I was at wedding so it didn't help! Well, I called him at 12 am today to wish him a happy birthday and it kept going to v-mail, I sha left a message and went to bed (mind you I set my alarm to wake up at 12 ooo!)...Well, he called me this morning..surprisingly...and thanked me for the msg, he sounded like he wanted to talk some more...but I was half asleep jare....anyways, I texted him not too long ago and asked if he was doing anything later and he said no...I said that I wanted to bring over and cake and stuff if it was okay with him and he said it was fine...So yea, I'm going see him later (Guys please don't be mad at me!...I know, I know). Ummm...I'm not exactly happy about seeing him...I just blah about it, we'll see what happens but I def not looking to being "happily ever after" after today...I'm so dedicated to working myself and my relationship with God..so I'm just praying that my mind and heart will cooperate! I'll let you know how it goes!

Lastly, I've been praying and reading the Word lately and I must say that it's been a great experience! And I love where I am right now with God...everything happens for a reason and I promise that I'll NEVER let anything or anyone come before God in my life again!

So lataz my peeps...more gist to come soon...

P.S. I'll have to tell you about my neighbor that's trying to holla in the next post..ha ha ha

How Can I Express My Gratitude?

I'm truly grateful for allll your comments from my last post, I can't begin to express how thankful I am. I'm actually speechless right now (or should I type-less?), I'm just lost for words because I've never received this much comments before and it's amazing. Everyone took time out to write some great advice and I love you all for this. All in all sha...THANK YOUUUUUUUUU! May the good Lord bless you all and thanks for the prayers as well, they are definitely needed!

With that being said, I've decided to just focus on myself right now. I want to focus on my personal growth...career, education, and most of all my relationship with God. I'm not going to fight the "battle of love" alone no longer, I came to the realization that its not in my hands and all my efforts have failed...therefore I must return to my source (My father in heaven) and I know by doing so all other things will fall into place.

I know that I'll have some difficult times where I'll miss him and would want to call or text him but I'm going to be strong. I'm not gonna chase SC anymore, if he is truly meant for me then he'll start treating me like the Queen that I am. I'm so afraid of the thought that our relationship may be over, but I'm going to take it one day at a time. I'm going to take a stand and not allow him or anyone else to hurt me no longer. So for the next few weeks I might be a little quiet because I need some ME time! I'll try to update from time to time...if possible.

Once again thank you to all my readers and all those that took time to comment...May God meet you at the point of your needs and bless you all abundantly. It's cool to have "invisible" friends/support system...lol.

Have a wonderful weekend everyone...

XOXO